Experience with Ghosting in Recruitment

I once had an experience where I was contacted by a prospective employer. The recruiter contacted me and wanted to set up an initial screening immediately.

We did the initial screening, and then she called me back a few hours later to see if I could meet with the hiring manager the next day. It was during the holiday season, and I had taken vacation days and had family in town, but I made the choice to make room in my holiday/vacation schedule to meet with the hiring manager, not knowing when I would have clear time to do so once I returned to my regular work schedule.

The meeting with the hiring manager seemed to go very well.  It went over the designated time as the hiring manager discussed the role and what kinds of initiatives would happen. I asked many questions, and I had so many more, but I wanted to be mindful of his time and where the team was in the recruitment process. The hiring manager asked me a few questions about general availability and potential next steps. He provided his email address, unprompted, to me in case I had questions.

I have done recruitment and hiring myself, so I know this was no guarantee of follow through to furtherance in the hiring process. But I will say that as a hiring manager, unless I fully intended to bring a person in for the next steps in the recruitment process, I would not necessarily have asked the questions surrounding availability for the next steps.

However, because I have done recruitment and hiring, I never take those questions to indicate that I’m guaranteed to move further in the hiring process.

I was never asked specific questions related to the job requirements, which tested for skill sets that would fit the specific role. Again, as a hiring manager, I always came prepared with specific questions related to the role I was recruiting for and questions that probed for fit for the type of environment in which the role had to operate.

After the interview, I sent separate thank you notes to the recruiter and the hiring manager (because he had given me his email address).

Then, I heard nothing for an entire month. I followed up with another set of notes to the recruiter and hiring manager.

Now, by this time, and with the radio silence, I’m sensing that I’ve not been selected to move on to the next round. That, I’ve got. I understood. There were never any guarantees.

I took exception to not even receiving acknowledgment of my earlier email communications sent to them. I understand that everyone is busy. However, so am I. Responsiveness is part of our jobs. I had applied for an opportunity. It sounded like a good one that I could sink my teeth into. I felt that all my experiences had prepared me for a pivotal role like this.

A simple response: “Thank you for your note. Thank you for meeting with us. We’re still screening and interviewing other candidates. We will let you know when we decide who will move to the next round.” A simple acknowledgment when you have gone beyond the initial screening for the role, I don’t think, is too much to ask. It felt like I had been ghosted. That did not feel great. I could add feelings of humiliation and feeling a little disrespected to the human emotions I felt, which took a little time to process.

Ultimately, I could only accept that the result would have been different if I had been meant for that specific role at that specific location. I know that for the role as described, I was more than prepared to handle the requirements and manage the uncertainty that would come with the future expected initiatives.

It can be difficult to put oneself out there. Rejection does not feel good. Sometimes, it takes several breaths (multiple breaths) and some time to process and separate that rejection from your perception of and confidence in your abilities and to put a positive spin on the experience.